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Doormat…Yikes!  Who wants to admit that they are or have been a doormat?  The more common word, and perhaps the energetically lighter word, is people pleaser.  Either way, they are the same thing.  I can tell you that I’ve been both, and I was both for a very long time…not a nice place to be.   I can also tell you that I’ve seen more women in that place than I care to count.  It’s almost as if it’s wired into our DNA regardless of culture, religion, or upbringing.

Here’s what I’ve learned from being a people pleaser/doormat…

-  When you put others ahead of yourself ALL THE TIME, you end up being angry, resentful, and quite simply fatigued.  This often leads to emotional eating to make yourself feel better, emotionally, and more energized, physically.

-  Giving to others before you give to yourself does not come from a place of love.  It comes from obligation/duty or unworthiness or both.  In other words, it comes from the belief and the feeling that you don’t matter.  When you give to others from an energy of “I don’t matter,” what you’re telling them is that they don’t matter either because you can’t give what you don’t have. ;-)

-  Others LEARN to take advantage of you because, hey, they push your boundaries just to see how much they can get away with….it’s fun for them…not so much for you.

-  Thinking that it’s your job to save everyone including your neighbors, their relatives, and the bus driver’s dog is a ridiculous burden to carry around and takes away from how meaningful your life can actually be.  No one appointed you savior of the world, so just drop that title already!

Here’s the thing.  When you’re used to being a people pleaser/doormat in your daily life, this is how you show up in romantic relationships.  I can tell you with 100% certainty that this is a huge turn off for men.  A man (i.e. a man who will honour you) wants to be with a Love Goddess, and a Love Goddess is a woman who is able to say NO from a place of love because she has learned to love herself (not in a narcissistic way) but in a “I am worthy” kind of way.  A Love Goddess attends to her needs and her dreams first because once she’s happy and fulfilled, she has so much more to give to others.

You might be thinking that you’re a savvy and successful woman and that you’re absolutely NOT a people pleaser/doormat.  Yes! I thought so too. :-)  However, if you’re like most savvy and successful women, you’re now in this “I can/have to fix everything mode.”  You’ve forgotten how to receive and allow others to give to you.  Running around fixing everything for everyone is people pleasing.  You might think of yourself as strong and powerful, yet the energy and the emotions behind fixing and pleasing are not those of strength and power.  They are the energies of fear and weakness—fear of not being taken seriously, fear of being taken advantage of, fear of being powerless, fear of losing control (Hello, Control Freak!).  Strength and power are states of being—inner states of emotion that you either feel or don’t feel.  No one can give them to you or take them away from you.  Only YOU can choose whether or not to step into them and feel them.

So, my dear people pleaser/doormat, if you’re serious about attracting that love relationship you’ve been hoping for for so long, it’s time to transform your relationship with yourself FIRST because HE is going to be a reflection of YOU.  Become the Love Goddess so that you can attract that Love God you so deserve.

If you’re ready to become a Love Goddess, this free is for YOU.  Click here to download it.

Much love to you,

The Heart Mentor

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